6 whole months, and for the first time it’s a Wednesday. That might seem odd to acknowledge a day of the week, but what started as a normal Wednesday 6 months ago ended up the worst day of my life. Those first few weeks every Wednesday hit me hard, and now here we are - Your half birthday, an exciting milestone in everyone else’s baby’s life and another reminder that we were robbed. A milestone that’s so heavy. It’s hard for me to even grasp that it’s been half a year since I’ve seen your perfect face and held you in my arms. I feel further and further away from you as time goes on and I hate it. I’m quickly running out of photos of you and that kills me - that there will never be anymore. My mind goes into overdrive picturing what you would be like, what you would look like, what you would sound like, but then I’m smacked back into reality, feeling like I can’t even come up for air. Your brothers still talk about you every day, and there isn’t a second of my day that I don’t think of you. People say to be thankful for what you have - and believe me, I am more thankful than most for my two beautiful boys, but the two do not go hand in hand. I love all 3 of my babies equally and they should all be together. Parenting on earth with one in heaven is something no mother should ever have to do. Having them here, breathing, living, growing just makes me miss you even more. I see you in every single moment. I dream up what should be and wish somehow this nightmare would end. Time keeps moving and it’s harder and harder to breathe. I was your home and now our home, what should have been filled with your laughs, is broken. What I would give to hear your sweet laugh, to see your beautiful eyes looking at all of us - because I know they would have been the most beautiful. I will never know what we did wrong in this life to be dealt this, and why you were taken from us, but I promise to love you and honor you for every day of mine. Andelyn - I love you, I miss you, I need you.
Kommentare