Five months. I still wake up every single day in disbelief that this is actually real life. Those few seconds between being fully awake and still asleep, I feel like you’re just a room away and one day I’ll wake up from this nightmare. 150 days of breathing without you. 3,600 hours of our hearts still somehow beating while yours is not. This sucks and there’s really no other way to put it. No sugarcoating it. No silver lining. You should be here and it’s not fair. It’s not fair for us. It’s not fair for your brothers. It’s not fair for everyone who loves us and who loved you without even knowing you. We are all hurting without you and I hate it so much. Your brothers keep us going and for that I will always be thankful, but it doesn’t make us miss you any less. They miss you so much and talk about you every single day. It’s equally my favorite and most heartbreakingly beautiful thing. They will never let anyone forget you. Andelyn, we love you and miss you every single second of every single day. This weekend we honored you and created a special space for you outside. We shouldn’t be creating things in your memory - this isn’t the natural order of things and I’ll never be ok with that. That today - bereaved Mother’s Day - even needs to exist and now exists in our family, is just surreal. But here we are.. living the best way we know how. I love you, I miss you, I need you, my Andi girl
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