Seven months of missing you. How has it even been this long? So much has happened this last month that has brought me yet again to the harsh realization of how unfair this is. Your brothers graduated preschool and all I thought about was how you would never get the chance. Watching them on stage at their recital, seeing all the little girls dance for their very first recital was like a knife to my heart. I should get to see you on the stage in a few years, but I never will. Something I always dreamed about, and now that’s gone. Summer is making me miss you even more. You should be here enjoying the pool for the first time, feeling your toes in the sand. You should be crawling all over the place now, and we should be worried about having legos on the floor for you to pick up. I think about you in every single moment. I see all of our friends with their kids and babies growing up and our group expanding but you always missing. This is so hard. These are what they call “secondary losses”. What normal people don’t seem to notice or think about. All of the life that you are missing out on and it’s only been 7 months. I can’t imagine this ever getting any easier, because it’s only gotten worse month after month.
Today I sat with the pain and got a special tattoo to keep you on me forever. For all of the world to see and for all who ever ask to know, I will always share your story. I will carry you always, Andelyn
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